You’re struggling and that’s okay. You’ve gone up and down your entire life, this is just a bad time and it will get better I know it will.
I wanted to talk to you in a way so you can read this whenever you are struggling and whenever the bad side takes over. I love you and I care for you, more than you know and realise. There is a little bit in there that wants to look after you, not hurt you and that’s me.
You listen so strongly to the bad side that it controls you completely, I’m trying my best to fight for you but you’re letting the bad side in too strong…I think we should come up with a name for the bad side, who do you really hate? (we all know who that is, but we can’t do that……..) We need something short for healthy anxiety…FUCK IT, we’ll just call it a cunt? No no, that’s not PG enough. We’ll just shorten it to HA, that’s easy.
When HA comes in you change, you panic, you go in on yourself and you’re scared. Everyone around you struggles to cope with it too because they’ve been doing it for too long. So have you. It’s time to let go, let it fucking go, I’m in here! I want to have fun with you!
You think the world is against you, it’s not. You have an amazing life. You have a supportive family, amazing friends and the spiciest boyfriend you could’ve ever laid eyes on. Shannon, he’s so fit have you seen him? You have a comfortable job, a nice house, a gorgeous nephew and 2 dogs. Some people don’t even have one dog, you have TWO.
You see doctors all the time, you have counsellors, an eating nurse who would pick you up and cuddle you all day if she could to take away the demons. Not all of these people are against you Shannon, they are here to help you. I am too, just let me in.
Picture it this way: Imagine in the future you have a little boy or a little girl. They have anxiety, every time they cry and are scared you take them to the doctors and they get checked over and are told “everything is okay, it’s just your anxiety” – they don’t believe the doctor, they don’t believe you either. But you still fight and fight and fight to keep them safe and happy because you’re a mum, you know your child better than they know themselves and you know they’re okay. That’s exactly what your mum is doing, she’s fighting for you because she knows you have an amazing life to live and HA is holding you back. Your mum will never lie to you, just like you would never lie to your child.
Your mum has called you beautiful every day of your life because she made you, she’s not lying, she loves you and if she ever thought something was wrong she would be the first person to rush you to get help. Just like she has with the thing that is wrong: YOUR ANXIETY.
Just like Dan says all the time, fight the thing that is really wrong not the things that HA is making up for you to fight. You need that every to fight the problem, not the things that don’t exist.
Come on, I am here, I am waiting to enjoy life again. Let me in and let me go out and enjoy life again. HA just wants to destroy you, it’s doing a good job. But Shannon, it’s fucking time to get rid of the cunt and kick it’s arse. Don’t let HA destroy you, DESTROY YOUR ANXIETY.
Read this every time you struggle, read this every single time. Do not wallow, no more wallowing. No more. Every single time you get scared, scream out loud FUCK OFF. Tell HA to fuck off, there’s about to be a downsize in the house bro, theres no room in the inn.
I am here, I love you. I love you so much. I love how much fun you can have, I love how stupidly funny and weird you are, let that shine again. I am here to have fun and we have so many opportunities to do that.
It’s time to fight like you’ve never fought before, I’ll be here the whole way.
Love from, Shannon xoxox