Making decisions is really scary, it brings on all kinds of anxious feelings. But, we have to make decisions every day – some we don’t even want to think about. My biggest decision recently was whether to go to university or not. After the Christmas holiday, I whacked out a banging personal statement (it was actually rather good, okay) then I applied to five universities. I was aiming to commute every day but the past couple of weeks I thought ‘where am I going to go in this town? I’ve got to move’. Don’t get me wrong, I love my town. It may be simple, there’s not a lot to do but I have amazing friends here and my family have never ventured out of the town. I want to be different, I want to be the one in my family to live away and make a name for myself.
Having the anxieties that I have, this decision was so hard. I will have to go days without seeing my mum and dad (I plan to come home every weekend, if I’m not partying at Mahiki or something sick). Anyway, the thought of being away from my mum is sickening. She is my rock, she’s the person I turn to when everything in my head is falling apart. Of course she’ll only be a phone call away, to me that doesn’t seem quite good enough.
Here’s the thing, all my life I’ve wanted to be on television, despite having all kinds of confidence issues and insecurities, I’m just going to have to fight them. Since I was little Fearne Cotton has been my inspiration and then over the past 3 or 4 years, Caroline Flack has been put on that list. They’re exactly who I want to be, I want to be on TV, radio, writing for magazines. Anything. I want to be meeting celebrities on a regular basis, being tight with them and going for drinks in Camden. How cool? THAT IS THE DREAM. If you know me, you know my life is pretty much just ‘famous people’. This whole blog is me talking about famous people, well, for the most part. What else would I do with my life?
This is why the decision to apply to university and move to London is the biggest one I’ve made in a while. It could potentially be life changing, I can’t stay in this town forever. I don’t want to be working for a local newspaper…I want to be big. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and take whatever life throws at you, take every opportunity. I know from experience that I haven’t taken many opportunities that have been offered to me, obviously I live to regret the opportunities I’ve missed.
Let’s hope I get the grades! This post was just something I wanted to speak about, not exactly interesting but hey ho.
Update on my week – it was the last week of term (thank God) and it was just quite shit actually, I haven’t felt myself. I finally listened to a band from Australia called 5 Seconds Of Summer, 5SOS for short. They’re so, so, so good! Luke Hemmings is absolutely banging. Later this week they were announced as One Directions support act, so I started listening to them at the right time! Oh, Luke followed me on Twitter, that was quite exciting. Next week I’m seeing Little Mix and then 2 days later I am seeing One Direction so I’ll be blogging about them!