So something that has really been bothering me recently is the difference in how mental illnesses are treated in comparison with physical. I personally, feel like I’m just being silly and weak if I need time for myself because everything is getting too much but my Eating Practitioner said to me “would you feel the same if you had a broken leg?” – of course not, I’d be laying on that sofa watching crap day time telly with no guilt whatsoever.
I’ve had a few moments recently where I physically cannot face the world, I can only face a few and that’s my family, Ryan and my best friend Ben. Everyone else I can’t stand the thought of socialising with and that is tough. It’s tough especially when you have a full time job and are saving to move out so every time you need to get out of it all you feel like you’re letting everyone down.
But it’s true, if it was a physical illness the guilt just isn’t there. No one can see truly how you feel sometimes though, sometimes getting up out of bed is the biggest struggle you’ll face that day and isn’t that just sad? Something so normal to everyone else is so hard to you that day. I know it’s become a frequent occurrence recently and it makes me feel lazy and weak and I hate that.
In reality I know I’m not weak, I’m ill and sometimes I honestly forget that my own mental health is actually an illness because the stigma still stands. My mental health affects me so much more than I’d like to admit, or wish that it did. I feel so physically ill on days because of it and I’m struggling to understand it lately even though it has been going on for so many years.
I’m trying to figure out why and how all of this started, maybe when I get there it will finally all come to an end. I’m just lucky that right now I’m being treated by the best team I’ve ever had and I’m praising the mental health system for the first time in 10 years.
Really, what I want to say to anyone who feels the same is that it IS okay to need some time out. If your mental health is really taking over so much, take a step back and remember what you’re fighting for. Look after yourself, watch some shite telly and eat some comfort food – look after you for once. Your mind is just as important as a broken leg, a sore throat, or a headache so take it easy.
Til’ next time x x x