August is here, Reading is in 3 short weeks and my tits are already buzzed off. Now of course I attended for the first time last year so I’m obviously the queen of festival rules, OBVIOUSLY. Therefore, you must take everything I say seriously, okay? There are a few things you should know if you are going to a festival for the first time so let’s begin…
- I’m going to start off with something quite rank but hey ho, it’s me here. The toilets…the toilets are vile. Please take many a wipe and place it on the toilet seat to avoid touching any previous pee that a drunk person has left (I squirm every time I think of the camp toilets) and don’t look down, JUST DON’T LOOK DOWN.
- Continuing from the toilet situation, it’s okay if a number 2 doesn’t happen for a few days, you’re stressed about it, sure. Will I ever go again? A question that crossed my mind last year, did the festival drain me of all possible number 2 opportunities? It’s a super tough time when you’re sat on the toilet and your best pal is in the next cubical in the same situation, but don’t worry it probably won’t happen so don’t text your mum complaining about how sad you are that it hasn’t. Just don’t do that.
- Do not spend loads of money on food for the weekend at the supermarket the night before, just do not. You will buy things you never even eat at home so don’t take it to a damn festival. You’ll only have to carry more and that’s something nobody needs. There are food stalls for a reason that sell really good bacon rolls and that’s all anyones diet needs to consist of, AM I RIGHT?!
- Don’t arrive at like 1pm and expect a decent camping spot. Don’t make the mistake we did last year and arrive and spend the next 2 hours walking around for a space and then setting up camp next to the path. Oh, and your originally light grey hoodie might turn dark grey from the sweat. I’m just sayin’.
- From that I will tell you, don’t set up your tent right next to the path. People will get drunk and they will fall into your tent late at night when you’re half asleep and you will think your head is about to get crushed. You will be on edge all weekend and you’ll be watching your back like a hawk all fucking night.
- Don’t touch any dirty willies, this is not only a festival tip but also a life tip.
- Get wavy and have a sick time because that’s the most important thing!