• Self Worth.

    Hi everyone, I hope you are doing well!  It’s been a while, my life has been a whirlwind since the last time I posted, the New Year really treated me to a multitude of shite all at once. Thanks Universe.  I had to deal with a break up, leaving a house and my Grandad passing away all in the space of a couple of weeks. Firstly, I was broken, didn’t think I’d be able to cope. Then my Grandad passed away and as much as I fucking miss him and wish he was still here, it put life and everything into perspective.  I haven’t let myself wallow, I haven’t sat…

  • Where am I at?

    Hey everyone, It’s been a tough morning, I have to say. I’m going away this weekend and this always fills me with crippling anxiety – I don’t know why. I think I’ve been building up to a bit of a breakdown all week and it happened this morning and I feel so guilty. I feel guilty that I let it get the better of me and I let it control whether or not I was going to go to work (I didn’t) – I try to be positive on here, radiate positivity and pretend I’m doing just fine. I only ever come back on here when something really gets to…

  • An Open Letter To My Eating Disorder

    Hello everyone, You may wonder why I’m making something like this public, why I’m putting it on the internet? You know me, I’m so open about my mental health and would do anything I could to raise awareness and to get others to help themselves or help those around them. If this helps one person have more of an insight, if it helps one mum have a slight look into what is going on in their childs mind then that’s all I want. I want to help, this small platform could do that, or so I hope. Here goes… Dear my friend and my enemy, I say friend loosely…my enemy strongly.…

  • Everything to gain…

    Hiiiiiii everyone, another day another post about my mental health. I’ve been thinking about what I have to gain and lose from my mental health, it’s tricky. I’ve spoken before how it feels like my head is split in half, one side is stuck in the mental illness side of things – this side wants to stay in the warped comfort of my eating disorder and my anxieties that drive me up the wall daily (but also drive me… it makes sense to me). The other side of my head is the one that wants to be better, wants to live for my future and stop being stuck in this…

  • My Experience: Cognitive Analytic Therapy – Week 1

    Hi everyone, As my blog recently is primarily focusing on my mental health and my journey within the recovery process I thought I would document the new therapy that I have started today. Of course I have been seeing an eating practitioner since September, one before Christmas and one since Christmas – I really like her, and I’ve never built up such a relationship with anyone dealing with my mental health as much as I have with her. Which is the most important thing so you can be honest and let your feelings flow!  Last week I met my new therapist which I have been waiting to see since September,…

  • Physical VS. Mental

    Hiiiiii, So something that has really been bothering me recently is the difference in how mental illnesses are treated in comparison with physical. I personally, feel like I’m just being silly and weak if I need time for myself because everything is getting too much but my Eating Practitioner said to me “would you feel the same if you had a broken leg?” – of course not, I’d be laying on that sofa watching crap day time telly with no guilt whatsoever. I’ve had a few moments recently where I physically cannot face the world, I can only face a few and that’s my family, Ryan and my best friend…

  • Continuing the fight.

    Hi hi hi, I haven’t posted since October, oh me. It’s been a mare of a few months, here’s a short summary – I’m employed (do I enjoy it? I shall not disclose that on the internet) ((take from that what you will)), I’m still with that Ryry Evz and we’re saving to move out, joint bank account and all! But more importantly, I’m still suffering with that eating disorder and depression that is being a cheeky mother fucker and just does not want to budge out of my life. Let’s get into it, the last time I posted I was just starting my time at the eating disorder clinic…

  • Taking control.

    Today I said something out loud that I’ve never really spent the time thinking too much about. On my way home from an appointment with my eating disorder practitioner, after realising that I really AM fully on the road to recovery I realised that I am afraid to be okay. I said to my mum and my brother “I’m scared to not have anything anymore” – it sounds RIDICULOUS. But it was followed by a tonne of tears and a crying headache. It’s the truth though, I feel like I am afraid of being okay because like I also said to them, I don’t know who or what I am…

  • World Mental Health Day 2015

    Hi hi hi, I never post anymore I am a poop head I’m sorry! I just have so much going on (that’s a complete and utter lie, I’m unemployed, I have nothing to do) It’s world mental health day, a day close to my little heart. You know me, I’m very open about my mental health, it’s very important to speak about it and keep it alive! The worlds backs should never be turned on the concept of somebodies mental health, keep talking about it and keep looking after each other – pEACE OUT. I’m not actually done at all, I’ve not even begun! Where is my mental health at…

  • To be okay…

    Helloooo! Today (or this evening) I wanted to talk about the recovery I’m going through at the moment and people may possibly be able to relate to the way I have felt throughout.  My journey to health and happiness has been ongoing, as has my illness. My mental state is one that I’ve been open about because it’s gone on since I was 10 years old. My recovery truly started in December, however I have had many forms of counselling in the past.  What I really want to talk about is the time when I started on anti depressants in December of 2014. 10mg a day is what I started…