As you well know I enjoy doing a blog post when times are very tough – it helps me. Right now I’m having a fucking tough day.
Heres the thing I can talk the talk but I can’t walk the walk, I can do blog posts upon blog posts talking about how to try and get through bad spells of mental health but here I am, still struggling daily.
Some days are better, some really are not and today is one of those days. I’ll be honest I have spent the day panicking, internally and externally. I have wound my mum up all day and annoyed myself. I even tried to meditate to take my mind off of the thought of calling the doctors.
My heart keeps beating out of my chest and every time I try to nap my mind becomes alive, like electric and that’s it, I panic all over again.
My vision feels wrong and my health anxiety is through the roof because of this.
Fact is, I increased my medication last week and it means I’m super sleepy and duh…when you’re tired your vision takes the brunt of it, right? RIGHT. Listen rational Shannon, listen.
What I’m trying to say is that even though I’m trying so hard to help, to write about mental health and preach and preach and preach, that doesn’t mean I’m any where near getting better. My journey is constant, I feel like I’m just on a long fucking road and one day I’ll reach my destination (happiness, health and wellness) but right now I keep having to stop off at a service station to have a pee in a stinky toilet, get some junk food and have a long old stretch…then I’ll get back on the road again.
I should take my own advice, we all should. We are probably all sweet as fuck advice givers but when it comes to our own problems we go blank. What is rationality? I don’t fucking know, ask someone who knows what in the dick is going on in the world.
Here is the thing, let’s say I had a friend who had health anxiety and they said to me “Shannon, I am really scared all of the time that I have a brain tumour, I feel so tense and awful and anxious…I have headaches, a tense back, my concentration is off, I don’t feel good” – I would say “go to the doctors, you need to address your anxiety with them, that’s the problem”
Wow, good advice Shannon, where are YOU when I need you?!
We need to reach out for our rational side, they are in there and they care for you more than anything. The bad side wants to bring you down and ruin any good thing you have going for you. Fuck that, fuck that shit.
Keep fighting, be rational, take your own advice…I sure am going to learn to!